Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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