Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
