i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize