if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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