Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How naked do you want me to be?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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