he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
