What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
