Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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