Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
