He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
