What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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