I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she peed on how many people?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize