why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
