I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
