Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
