shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
