If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
