My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
