Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
