Are we in a gay sports bar?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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