I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
