i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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