So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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