I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
