After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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