I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
