Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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