Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
