I'm really into asian looking animals
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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