Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This baby is an asshole
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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