I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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