life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
