A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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