If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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