He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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