Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
