oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
