she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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