So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
