I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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