You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
