Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
