Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
