Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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