So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
