There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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