Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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