Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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