Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
