My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize