i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that's an acceptable place to lick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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