Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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