youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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