watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
