Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
its not stalking. its research.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize