Got a toothbrush?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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