I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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