I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
