I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
