My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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