Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
