I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
