is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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