I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pants are for mortals
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
