Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
